Lure of the Prairie Monster

It was never long enough, when they made love. Tess would have lingered for hours under the weight of his burly body, twisting her fingers through his wiry beard, feeling his heart beating on her chest. But too soon he rolled away, making a wordless sound deep in his throat. She rolled toward him, resting her arm on his torso, savoring the contrast of his rough, hairy chest against the delicate smoothness of her skin. For a moment they lay there, in reverie. Then he roused himself with a shake of his head and spoke.

“I don’t think this is working out.”

She rolled her back to him, pulling a sheet over her nakedness, and curled up in a ball. “I thought it was going pretty well.” She knew where this conversation was headed, and she wouldn’t prolong the process. The relationship was already in the past tense.

“You need so much. I can’t give you enough. You know, it’s terrifying to a man to be with a woman who needs more than he does.”

And just like that, it was over.

They dressed without looking at each other. He clicked on the tv. Typical of a man to distract himself from feeling the pain of the moment, she thought.

“. . . Authorities are at a loss to explain the large animal that has been terrorizing the region today. Local residents are hoping anxiously that they’ll figure out sooner rather than later what it is, and what to do about it. At least one rancher claims it damaged a number of his cattle.”

Cut to a sun-wrinkled man in a plaid button-down shirt, the words, “Jeb Chase, Rancher” across the bottom of the screen. “It was as big as Godzilla. I tell you, it was huge. Walked on two legs. Scooped up three cows and ate ’em in one bite. I tried to shoot it with my hunting rifle but the bullets just bounced off.”

“Oh my god, this can’t be for real!” Tess cried, as they watched footage of the bloody remains of the cattle, alternating with clips from various Godzilla movies. “It’s right in this area! You know Jeb Chase, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer. He put on his shoes and walked out the door.


“Dude was a loser, you could do so much better.” Her friend Viv had come to pick her up to go to her brother’s ranch and help out on a controlled prairie burn. Mopey, Tess had just been coming out of the shower when Viv arrived.

“I thought we had good chemistry.”

“The guy couldn’t even hold a conversation. He was all, ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane.'”

“Maybe I get enough witty conversation from my girlfriends. There are some things you can only get from a man.”

“Whoa! Check it out!” Viv was thumbing her phone while she waited. “What is that thing?”

“Hey! They got some footage!”

He actually wasn’t nearly as large as Godzilla. Maybe the original Godzilla, the one who was 30-40 feet tall. It was hard to judge, though, since the creature was in open prairie, not near any buildings or man-made structures to compare by. “I don’t think he’s Godzilla. See how he’s more hairy than scaly?”

“How do you know it’s a he?” said Viv, who was a feminist, and resisted gender assumptions.

As if on cue, the monster turned a profile to the camera, displaying a fully erect, very impressive phallus.

“Definitely a he.”


Click here for the second installation of the story.

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