Sharing One’s Gifts

It was Thanksgiving Day, and, as always, my efforts to ensure that I had everything I needed to prepare my contribution to the meal didn’t quite succeed. I had the pumpkin, the sugar, the flour . . . but when I opened the drawer to get wax paper for rolling out the pie dough, there was an empty space.

I went to the local dollar store, and made a point of thanking the man behind the counter for working on a holiday. He said he was happy to be working for time and a half. A young woman checked out before me, buying two boxes of macaroni and cheese mix. The cashier gently teased her. I said, “Looks like somebody needs an invitation.” She just smiled and looked down. Obviously this would have been the moment to extend such an invitation, but I found myself unable to speak. What would I say? My family really would welcome a new friend, but she wouldn’t know that. How would I word an invitation to sound welcoming, casual, and fun?  I always botch these things. I talk to strangers frequently, but often as not I inadvertently insult them. And it wouldn’t be, “Come to my house,” but “Come to my in-laws’ house 30 miles away.” Would I offer her a ride? The car isn’t big enough for three adults and two children. Give her directions? It was too complicated, and I couldn’t get the words out before she was out the door.

I chided myself on the way home. Why am I so bad at these things? My mother-in-law wouldn’t have hesitated to invite someone to Thanksgiving dinner. She’s much better than I am at things like that, and she reaches out a lot. That was one of her great strengths as a preacher. But it’s never been mine. It occurred to me that maybe I’m just not meant to do this particular action. I guess if the Goddess had intended me to bring people spontaneously into my home, She might have made me better at it.

Do our abilities point the way to action? May I be forgiven for failing to invite a person alone on a holiday to come to my home, if I commit myself to what I’m good at? And what would that be? Writing formula-defying, unsalable, perverse erotica.

So that will be my promise to you, dear readers, in the next year. I’ve taken a year off, but in 2018 there will be new monster erotica. It’s my Divine calling.